Day 19 Part B

So I've figured out that if I don't write in the morning that it's tough to get to it the rest of the day. Hmmm, kind of like working out...

Also, some of the details of the morning have faded away so I might not be as enthusiastically excited and on the exercise "high" that I'm usually on when I post. I can tell because my fingers are moving much slower.

As I said earlier, our re-assessments were today. I stayed up a few hours past when I wanted to be in bed last night and I had a very restless night again due to personal circumstances.

When the alarm went off, it felt as if I had just gotten to sleep and I couldn't believe that it was really time to get up. I turned the clock towards me hoping that the alarm was only in my dream but realized that I had actually pushed the snooze button already. I knew I had to get up and get ready fast.

Quick teeth brushing, dressing, unlaced shoes, ponytail, and breakfast on the go. This definitely was not how I wanted to start my morning but it was how it was and I had to deal with it. I collected my thoughts on the way and took many deep, cleansing breaths. When I arrived, I was excited and I was ready for the challenge.

I worried about the run because of the heat and because, well, it was a run. And although I truly believed that I would improve in many areas, I was really nervous that I was going to "fail" like so many times before and that I would let myself down again.

During our hour, we were given allotted periods of time in which to complete many tasks and performed all the same tasks that we did the first week. I am happy (Screaming Smile, Shouting from the roof-tops, happy) to say that I have improved in all but one area.

I debated all day on whether to share my actual numbers but I decided to share them just to keep me accountable and to give anyone reading this concrete proof that Rob's BootCamp works.

Here are my original and new scores:

Bench Dips: O-12 N-37

Crunches: O-49 N-81

Front Plank: O-2 Min. N-3 Min.

Jump Rope: O-69 ;-) N-149

Modified Push Up ("Girl" style, but they still count): O-29 N-29
*The same? I guess next time I'll shoot for tracking the "regular" style ones...

Reverse Crunches: O-37 N-71

Shuttle: O-13 N: 29
*I'm thinking maybe the first time I counted each back and forth as one which would actually make the number 14 1/2, but still improved.

Squats: O-37 N-47

Mile Run/Walk: O-11:00 N-8:58 (My goal was 10:00!)

*I only walked for 9 seconds of it, couldn't catch my breath, the air was excruciatingly heavy.
(PCD, Brittany, Tommy Lee, and Disturbed helped me along with this one. I'm not sure that I can say my song mix this morning was "God-sent", but it sure felt like it. Everybody has music that "charges" them, my music for running just happens to be a mix of "sexiliciously STRONG" and screaming "angry music". Hey, whatever works!!!)

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I am not ommitting a portion of my score but elected not to be weighed or body-measured today. This was a HUGE decision for me but something I knew I needed to do.

I set my sights on a goal and I achieved it. I did it. I am proud of myself. I finished something that I said I would do. I am not "done", though. This truly is becoming part of me. It is part of me.

Now I just need to set new goals.

I'm not sure that I met the original non-score related goals that I set for myself when I signed up for Boot Camp.

Goals like:

Being/looking like "her"/that
Weighing "###"
Fitting into "that size"

My goals throughout this camp have changed. They've shifted from outward-focused to inner-focus. I'm not going to say that my original struggles no longer exist and that my mind doesn't still wander and dwell on them. But I'm setting personal goals that are challenging, but achievable. They're not related to anyone else's opinion or perceived opinion about me. They're surrounding how I feel about "me" and they're about being "ME". I am starting to accept "ME" and I have to say that I'm liking "ME" much more these days...

OOOOOOOOOOOOhhh no!!!!!!

OMGOSH, I have to go to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I really need to get a clock by this computer.

Tomorrow's the last day of my first Boot Camp Ever and it's going to be here in a moment.